When Generosity Turns into Debt: The Price of Unspoken Expectations

There was a time when I never kept track.

I didn’t note how much I gave, how much I helped, or what I spent on others. If I had something, I shared it. If someone needed support, I offered it — not with the hope of getting it back, but out of care.

But here’s the truth no one talks about — when giving becomes a habit, people start expecting.

They start believing they’re entitled to your help. And the one time you can’t — or won’t — help, you become the villain in their story.

I’ve been there.

There were moments when I was financially low — really low. And the same people I once supported turned their backs on me, blaming me for not being "there" for them.

One even said to me, “Don’t you have projects? Why don’t you go do that blue-collar job again?”

This, from someone I once helped when they needed it most.

I didn’t feel insulted by the job they mentioned — I’ve done it before, and I respect every honest day’s work.

But I felt the weight of their words, of how easily support turns into entitlement... and then into judgment.

Here’s the hardest part to swallow:

When I give, I’m kind.

When I don’t, I’m cruel.

No in-between. No room for understanding.

But let me say this clearly —

Helping is a choice, not a contract.

Generosity is a gift, not a guarantee.

If you’re someone who gives without keeping score, I know you’ve felt this too. The shift. The silence. The sudden coldness when you stop giving.

And maybe it hurts not because they didn’t return what you gave… but because they never truly valued it in the first place.

“Money doesn’t change people — it reveals who they truly are when you stop giving it.”

🔗 Follow my journey on Medium: medium.com/@estherm1988